Wednesday, December 31, 2008

~The Disturbed Scrapper~

************I will just warn you now, if you do not want to see an R rated Lo then please tune in tomorrow. This will be an R Rated post~**************

If you know me or have seen my work before, you know I scrap my life as is.
For some scrappers it is all about capturing those precious beautiful moments and having a happy loving album. For others it is about recording life.
For me, it is therapy and leaving my story behind for others to see.

Now this is the FIRST page ever, that I had to walk away from because I was so ANGRY making it I wanted to hit something. It is about how my EX husband broke my back several years ago.
Actually he knocked me unconscious in the bathroom and when I woke he was so angry I passed out, he said I was faking it so he threw me down and kicked me so many times, I do not remember, then he broke a chair over my back and beat me until I passed out again.

I spent 3 months in therapy and the hospital.
I have back pain every single day. Some days it is BAD some days it is bearable.
Lately it has been unbearable and I have been grumpy from it. I wake grumpy
and go to sleep grumpy.
My husband now is so understanding but it pisses me off.
The Guttergirlz Prompt got me thinking and I make this page.

IN case your curious the journaling says

I am so f*king tired of waking up every single day knowing I will be in pain all day long
and it will never change. Yet YOU walk free and upright.
I wish when you threw me down and kicked me until I passed out, I would have stood up and some sort of monster would have arisen in me and you would have been on the floor.
So I blame myself 2, How sick is that?
Well, you did it.
You broke me.
My back and body cannot be fixed.
But guess what asshole? I still have my mind and my spirit.
I might be pissed today but I can live with myself. So ROT IN HELL!

(second journaling spot)
Ya 11 years and it still F**king hurts!! It's hard to trust God knows what He is doing.
But he must or Bill would have killed me that night.

Oh and all of the supplies I used came from the #2 kit in Treasured Scrapbooking and items from the store. Can you believe I got the paint and 5 other bottles for 2.50?? Love TS stuff!


lizzie said...

w o w
girlie... that is one strong/amazing story/lo... you are such a great person and i'm so happy that you were able to get out of that situation. i grew up in domestic violence homes and even though i never really got hit (only once or twice for defending my mom) it lasts a lifetime and makes you such a stronger person. *hugs*

Jingle said...

Wow. That is quite the story. I am sorry you are still dealing with this on a daily basis. I am happy that you have a loving and caring husband now, though. I think it is great that you creted this page as you were feeling what you wanted to express. It really shows through and makes it very real. I wish I was more willing to documents some of the not so fun stuff. I am more one to block it all out and forget it and I've never been through anything as bad as what you have described here. You are an inspiration.

Angie P said...

I think the raw emotion you are able to convey in your layouts is amazing. Your so right...all of life isn't presents and smiles. YOur obviously an awesome and strong woman with many tallents and a strong spirit. I don't know that I could ever do this type layout...for fear of someone judging me, but i totally admire you for it.

Anonymous said...

Wow how intense and it brought tears to my eyes - so I can only imagine how you feel. Im glad your a stronger person and dont let it take you down. You have a wonderful husband and family now so thrive from them and continue to be strong. You are truly an inspiration. Hugs

Anonymous said...

Wow! I am speechless... You are one amazing woman!

michele said...

strong, and bold LO. You know, I totally agree with is good to scrap things that are not so loving....kudos for you for getting it out. On the bright glad you now have happiness!

Just Jess said...

you are a survivor!

Taffy said...

I've tried to leave a comment 4 different times and every time i read your journaling i got mad as well!! I was so full of anger that i had to close the page! (LOL) HOWEVER, *I* sooooooooooooooooo know what you're going thru. I, too was in two different abusive relationships and i think that made me angry b/c i know what you went thru and i know what you're going thru now. I'm sooo sorry you had to experience all this and like you, i made it!

I think the best revenge is being happy now! Them knowing how happy i am w/a man that treats me and my daughter like the princesses we are.. it's amazing!!

so, GOOD FOR YOU, for surviving HELL!!

*sigh* i'm glad you're alive and here w/us now :)

This is a WOW l/o! I don't think i could have the strength to scrap that part of my life. *hats off to you*

Laurajean said...

WOW girl....this is AMAZING!!! I love it and you can feel it coming through your journaling...definitely something to be proud of....WTG girl ;)

Glenda T. said...

Wow, wow, wow. The raw emotion, the journaling and the pins dripping in blood all show the rage. I love your honesty and I agree with your philosphy about scrapping LIFE. I wish life were all unicorns and rainbows but it's not. Thanks for playing in the gutter with us!!

Georgina said...

WOOOOOOOOW!! great LO!! and OMGosh!! what an ASS! can't believe you went through all that with your ex.. yikes!! so glad you are with a loving man now =)

Southernbelle said...

Wow gf! This is so moving! I feel all your emotion just by looking at this LO. I think it totally rocks though that you can scrap your feelings like that! It is so therapeutic! This freakin' rocks gf! Bravo to you!!!! Just awesome as always!!!!

KarenB said...

****BRAVO**** I give you, as I always do, a standing ovation for this. I love th raw and emotional LO's you produce. I thank God every day that we have become friends and for your strength and courage. I love you girl - keep scrapping your style and don't ever worry what others think!!!

Dolores said...

UHM wow I love the layout, the paint spots, the staples to represent you back. I love the photo. I love that you were able to scrap something so angry. Beautiful

Tona said...

I love your honest journaling & hope that it helps keep you strong & bring you closer. The things that you had to go through in your past also pisses me off on your behalf.

{Shirley} said...

thanks for sharing such a personal drama with us, so glad you were able to scrap this and I hope, that even just a little, you received some healing from the scrap therapy!!

Holly said...

Oh Pinky, tears! Thanks for being so honest and sharing with us. I wish you didn't have this kind of drama to share, but am glad to see that you are in such a better place now then you were and clearly loved by those beautiful boys you have now.

Jocelyn said...

That must have been a tough LO to do. But take it from me, it is one great way to deal with the anger! What a Son of a Bitch, to have done that to you! You have grown and look where you are today! A great husband, a safe place for you and your boys, a booming following of your wonderful creativity. Remember the pain may never go away, but you are alive, so what are you going to do torise above the anger!!!! Just what you are doing, SUCCESS! Remember, what goes around, comes around and the ex does not know what he is looking at in his future. God hates Ugly!!! Love ya and thanks for sharing this with us!!!!

Rox-Ann said...

Wow,you are amazing girl to be able to even scrap about that occurance you are a stronger person and an amazing scrapper! I am so sorry you hurt daily! Hats off to you to be able to scrap the not so nice stuff in life, I am not able to do that!

StampinCathy said...

Wow sorry to hear what you had to go through. You are one amazing gal to go through all this and still be such a happy, creative, and talented person. Thank you so much for sharing your creations and inspiring so many of us in blogland. You are truly blessed.

CherrieScraps said...

Cristal - you amaze me everyday!! I am so glad that you shared this with all of us - it is theraputic. This LO is incredible - I love the red paint - the staples - the anger - it is just incredible!!

Michelle Ramsay said...

Wow Pinky - an amazing layout. It is so sad that people get to become such monsters and get away with hurting innocent people.

Keep your head up high and wallow in the happiness you now have with your hubby and children. Always remember that you are special, no matter what.

Thanks for sharing such an intimate experience.

Ann said...

I think this is a very POWERFUL layout! I love it. And I could see how you walked away from it angry. But it felt good to finish it also. I stared one about my father a few months ago, it wasn't pretty...I walked away from it and never finished it. You've inspired me to go back and finish it.

Kray said...

You are definitely an amazing woman! You are very strong in standing up for yourself!

Thanks for sharing w/ us.

lara said...

wow - what an amazing layout - it has amazing journalling and graphics. Its very inspirational for many many reasons!
Thanks for joining us in the gutter - i look forward to more raw inspiration!

rissa79 said...

WOW! I am speechless.....I have tears in my eyes and nothing to say.

Anonymous said...

Wow girl.
I'm speechless.
Thanks for sharing such a deep story.

And thanks for playing in the gutter.

Gloria said...

wow, wow, and applause. girl this lo is so the best I have ever seen. such feeling visual and journal wize. thanks for sharing this with us.