~My Little Life Break & Why, Handi-capable??~

Good morning my crafty friends!! :)

I know I know it's been a couple days, I am so blessed to have

emails asking about how I am and where I am.

To be perfectly honest this week has been a difficult one.

I had to take a couple days to just breathe.

I baked cookies, bread, and muffins, I cried alot....

sort of mourning the loss of my mobility, something I had not

done before.

As some of you know we purchased a wheelchair a few weeks ago

so I am able to join my family on outings, as I can no longer walk

or stand for more than 5 minutes at a time.

Here is my pretty red "new car" haha

I was ok with it in front of strangers and no one really noticed,

but then I had to attend a couple ball games in my chair.

It was very stressful and I did not expect the overwhelming concern.

I forget that not everyone knows my story and history of being abused.

For me it's an every day hill to climb, but I forget it is not

branded on my forehead. The concern was very sweet but

very overwhelming. I found myself feeling ashamed and guilty.

Not only the guilt of having my husband push me around, but the guilt

of not being able to get up and play with my boys, and do what all

the other "normal" moms do.

As I said before...sort of mourn the loss of my mobility and

take time to digest it all.

You know in dealing with my abuse there were many days

of flashbacks and pain, I sort of learned that if I gave myself time

to grieve a little then in the long run I am able to cope with it a little better.

I feel as if I am no good to anyone right now (yes I am still in that stage)

That I am not worthy of friends because they will have to "tend" to me.

At 35 I am a nuisance and it brings back many memories of my

childhood and being a bother to everyone, not worthy of

love and friendship or parents.

I think that is why it's been so very hard to deal with.

Yes my head says it's not true, but my feelings still creep in.

So forgive my absence and I am working on crafts in my room

while I try to get my head together...slowly but surely.

I will get to the point where I feel "Handi-capable" and I know

I am not as bad off as so many...but it doesn't make it easier.

I think you would feel the same way....if it happened to you.

So I share my story and the raw truth....because I am an open book

pain, happiness and everything in between...

And this is why my blog is...

"One Crafty Chick & Her REAL LIFE"

because REAL LIFE creeps in...and steals the show some days.

Much love to you, thanks for listening.