Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Autism- Searching For Answers....Rubbing And Self Harm

Good morning friends, 

We have struggled this week and every time I am struggling
I tell myself..."Cristal, when you were a little girl NO ONE cared
about you, nor did they care what happened to you. You are NOT
going to be those people. You DO care and you WILL go on no matter how hard".
So I do...I go on...

This week has been busy and that is why I have not posted daily as usual. 
After my first "Autism" post we have attended a conference, 
we have gone to the school board, found a liaison, studied, switched schools
and so much more!!
I could not have done it without my friends for sure!!
They have cared, stood by me and held me up while I was down. 
Now I am the first person to admit I do not want my life to be
revolved around Autism now that we have a diagnosis, 
but I am also the FIRST person to tell you that we have always
had the boys involved in causes because it is healthy to be aware. 
From children who have been raped and abused in Oregon to
pillowcases for Conkerr Cancer here in TN- to Special Needs baseball.
And clearly this is just another avenue in our life to raise 3 boys
who love and understand this world is FULL of beautiful souls. 

So yes, you might get tired of my "Autism" posts. And no I won't
stop posting them, because we embrace this as much as anything else that comes
into my life. 
When I first begin speaking about about being raped and abused
I found my voice and it has helped others. 
Being kept silent for all those year taught me to shout it out everywhere
I go. And this diagnosis will be the same.

After finding no help with the school we decided to move my son.
As difficult as change is for my son- it was more difficult staying where
he felt the need to rub himself until he bled. 
I did not understand fully why- he kept telling me just because
and we searched for an answer, but in the end it was simply
such overwhelming anxiety from the class he was in.

I am HAPPY to report that since changing school the rubbing, burning, and
self harm has stopped completely. As much as I was afraid of the change
for him- the comfort took over in his mind. 
So it was a fantastic step for us as a family! 

Those who are close to us know how much of a struggle that was.
I guess keeping my Autistic son feeling safe in his mind was the skeleton 
key that took us a couple months to find. 
I think that is the most difficult part of Autism-
finding the key to what is a problem. Without the language 
skills to communicate it's like a giant guessing game. 
That's the hardest part for me, because I am one of those moms- 
find the problem FIX messing around just fix it. 
Now I get to play "Find the problem"....which takes far longer than
the fix it most days. 

As I am NEW to this world and I freely admit to knowing NOTHING
I will say I an not new to life and it's struggles, so I say to any Autism mom
Fight fight fight and fight outside offices like I did. 
Cry, cry and cry more, do what you have to do because NO ONE ELSE WILL!

It was not easy getting to change schools, I fought, I literally camped outside offices
and went to every single liaison I could find. 
Now I am on the hunt to EDUCATE myself...yes educate while being
a mom, teacher, wife and taxi driver. Nothing will push me harder than
knowing that if I give up my son loses and frankly- that's just not going to happen. 

I go back to myself and say.....
"NO ONE fought for me. No one cared." 
I will not let that happen to my son, he will KNOW that someone cared. 

When he told me this week he knows I have his back I knew
everything was going to be alright. 


Belinda Basson said...

Just keep fighting for what you feel in your gut is right. Each child is so different in what effects them so there is no advice that is concrete and is guaranteed to unlock those doors into what is causing their stress etc...Take each day as it comes and do your best, that is all you can do for yourself and your kids. You are a wonderful role model.

Dot said...

Keep going!! The kids our our future and they need us, especially in this society. Everybody needs to stand for their kids!!