Thursday, May 24, 2012

~Bullying Sucks- Aftermath Layout~

Good morning my crafty friends,

Since I seem to be in a therapeutic mood this week I have spent alot 
of time in my craft room sorting out feelings of helplessness and extreme pain.

I was appreciative of the kind hearts that responded to my 
Faith No More layout, everyone was ver understanding and to put it simply
this is a horribly difficult time to watch my son in pain. 

This is sort of part 2. 
Watching my son go through this and having people tell me that 
it's fine and he is old enough to deal with it. Now you know why I have
been quite lately and struggling to get by. 

Journaling says:
This is my son who has been told for 2+ weeks now every day
You don't belong here in TN” “You don't belong here in MY school!”
Move back to Oregon where you belong” “You should just go away”
I hate you” “Your friend is a wimp” “Your friend hates you”
No one likes you” “Your a bad person” “You need to leave”
Your dad sucks” “Your family should be in jail” “You are not wanted here”
Your mom is fat” “Your mom is MEAN” “You are not allowed to talk
to my friends” “Stay away from my friends” “You suck at baseball”
Your a terrible pitcher” “You shouldn't be allowed to play ball”
You don't belong in this school” “You need to go away”
I instructed my son to walk away, every day for 3 weeks he has
walked away. He does not respond only walks away.
I explain to him that this child will tire of yelling at him and if he walks
away it will pass. I tell him to just stay away from him.
Every witness in school admits he walked away. The last time
AFTER 3 weeks he stood up and said “SHUT UP” he did not hurt the child,
but after he kept taunting he put his hand up in a stop motion and
his fingers lightly brushed (principals words were 2 fingers lightly
touched) the bullies cheek. No damage done but I certainly reprimanded
my son letting him know I do not condone any physical contact.
Every day for 3 weeks he comes home with tears in his eyes. Every day
he wakes in the middle of the night. He is 10. Other physical symptoms
begin to appear.

The principal tells me this is NOT bullying and he is a big boy.
The principal tells me that the other boy “feels” bullied so it's ok.
The principal tells me she is more concerned about if I speak out
publicly on Facebook about him being bullied then if he is being
permanently damaged by the actual “NON- bullying”.

The other boys parents tell me that he has every right to speak to my
son this way because he has every right to speak his own opinion.
They do not care my son is being injured, only saving face.

If this were your child, what would you do?
Would you sit silent and show your child it's ok to sit in the corner and
let it happen? How would you feel with your hands tied?

I was told I am not allowed to speak out publicly about my son being
bullied because the bully is simply being bossy not bullying.
Is this being bossy??

My other son who is 2 years younger has been approached by the
boy they claim is not bullying, he was told “Your mom is mean”
I hate your mom” “Your mom is fat”.
My son came home telling me that an older child hates me.

Is this not bullying? When I approached the principal I was told
Well I don't know how that happened” nothing was done. NOTHING
is being done.
The bully was rewarded with attendance to big parties at school while
my sons we punished with Dr.'s visits and missing the last few days of
school on Dr.'s orders because of physical and emotional issues.

My hands are tied, I am instructed not to speak publicly, I am instructed
that I have no rights and my children need to just deal with it.
I am to just “Deal with it and stay quiet” I am promised if I remain silent
this issue will go away.

Are they going to come to my home and comfort my children for the next
few years as they deal with not being bullied? I have no rights, I have no voice.
It reminds me of my childhood being raped and abused.

I regret telling him to walk away and not removing him from school sooner.
I regret my sons must suffer 3 more years in this school where no one cares.
I regret that they will be punished because I speak out. But I won't be silenced anymore!

Anyways, things will get better I am sure as we are out of school for now.
I worry for his safety and health later. But for now we take it day by day.

This is the best for of therapy for me to deal with these feelings, by 
expressing it through my art. No one can tell me I cannot express
myself through my artistic ability, it really is the USA and I do have that right. 

Have a wonderful day....say prayers for my children this week please.....

Products Used: Tally Scrapper May Kit


Sharon said...

Omgosh!! I know EXACTLY how you feel!! When your told to be silent something's WRONG!!! Get on the loud speaker! They ate telling you to be silent because THEY KNOW it's wrong and don not want to draw attention to it!!! Get on the loud speaker, invite that proncipal to go watch the movie BULLY w you and after that ask her again "now tell me, is my son being bullying?" if she still Denys it go to the next school board meeting and keep going to those meetings Untill something's done about it. Also call the superintendent of the school district let him/her know what's going and that the principal is not only doing nothing about it but she wants you to keep quiet about it! Tell the super that if something is not done you will draw as much attn to it as you can! If after all this they STILL do not at least attempt to do something, start calling your local tv stations and newspapers! BULLYING IS NOT OKAY PERIOD!!!

Katie Bolinger said...

My son had a similar situation with verbal bulling this year and he ended up in a psychiatric unit for a week and a half because he was having suicidal thoughts. On his return everything was different, he learned better coping skills and the bullies saw that there could be dire consequences to their actions.

You need to get your son some therapy. Also he could talk to the bully - and it is definitely bullying - and ask him why? Why do you feel so threatened by me? Is your life so horrible that you need to bully me to feel better about yourself? Make sure you know if and when this will happen so you are prepared for the conversation that will inevitably follow.

SnowflakeDreams1 said...

I am so sorry to hear about everything your son is going through. #1 Find out if there is a no tolerance policy in the school system if there is and you have already talked to the princible then take it to the school board. #2 if you do not get any action tell the school board that you will be hiring a lawyer because of all the things that have been happening with bullying and them not protecting your son they will be held liable with accordance to new laws about bullying. I have been done this very road but thankfully it was when we lived in Oregon and according to law in that state if you feel threatend you have every right to defend yourself. My son sent the other kid to the hospital. The parents threatened to take us to court over medical bills and I told them make my day because I would be pressing charges on their son for harrassment and with all the recorded data by the school he would probably go to juvy. I never heard anything from the other parents again. Good luck, Hugs Velma

AJ Scrapbooking and Cards said...

Oh My Gosh Pinky! This makes me so sad. :-( I'm so sorry you’re SON is being bullying. Wow I’m so shock that they would say that word are not bullying. I just had a talk with my daughter how words can be bullying. Stand your ground don’t be silent. It’s not right and you have the right to stand up for you’re soon. If you have to go to the new station go do what every you have too to make them see that words are hurtful and it’s bullying. I did a layout about my daughter in 2nd grade where they learned about being a bucket dipper or bucket filler.
They learned that when they make someone feel good, they fill their bucket with happiness! Bucket fillers make other fee good by their words or actions.
When they fill someone else’s bucket, they also fill their own. This has been such a great help for my 9year old. The school does this each year for each grade. I don’t care how old you get everyone can use this.

You should tell the principle he is being a bucket dipper instead of a filler. Tell him to listen to your son story. Don’t judge him because of his looks, likes and dislikes. I’m happy your son stud up for his self. You tell him I said I’m pound of him. :-) AJ~

AJ Scrapbooking and Cards said...

Pinky the other ladies have given some really great adivce. I'm so happy we have blog firends to support us. :-) AJ~

SherriB said...

I'm so sorry your son is going through this. :( What kind of principal would ignore this after all the t.v. shows, news, etc., about kids committing suicide over being bullied? Does she want this on her conscience? I would not stand for this. I definitely would speak about it. Do what you have to do now before it's too late. I can't believe how mean and cruel some adults/kids can be!! School is supposed to be a safe place for your child.

Chelle (PhotoArt/MaybeCreative) said...

I hate that your children are going through this, that you went through this. Our school (& most of Ontario) has a no bullying policy and your son is being bullied according to our policy. Do NOT stay quiet...speak for your child and go over the princpals head..see the next level.

Drayia said...

I am so sorry Pinky, as a parent of a son who also was/is bullied it is a hard pill to swallow. My son would walk away repeatedly until it got to much and said or did something in return and then I would get a call from the schools. He was to blame, he should of said something etc is what I was told. I had a chance when he was in elementery school to met with the school principal, police resource officer, school child physcologist (sp) and told them that the "anti-bullying policy" sucked, was a waste of paper it was writen on because it protected the bully and not the victim. Now in High School he thankfully is very rarily bullyed and the few times he has been I have skipped the school and gone directly to the parent and it stopped. I info the school after I have talked to the parent to advise them of the situation so that it can get reported back to me if other bullying happens because I WILL go to the local media in a heart beat if it does not get handled right. DO what YOU need to do to protect your SON. He is ALL that matters not some principal who does not what any negitivaty at his/her school. Go to the school board and THREATEN them with media and lawyers. This is serious and they need to wake up to save these children, both the bully and the victim because they are both hurting for a reason.

Mallrat said...

NEVER be silent ! Just as the "BULLY'S" parents said he has an opinion to say what he wants you have that same right. No one can tell you to be quiet especially when it involves your child and something that is happening that will effect him well into his adult life. He's very lucky to have a Mom that will fight for him and protect as you are. My thoughts are with you both that this passes and the other kids get a better role model than their parents to show them how to respect someone and not to hurt others.

Jade said...

The public school is system is total garbage. There are several people in there who do care and want to make it better but unfortunately they are drowned out by the rest. I don't know if it's an option for you but check into K12 which is a free online school - it's public (just started this year in TN) but they supply everything your child needs, including a computer and printer. It's like homeschool but better I think. Once you're enrolled tell that principal and the parents of that incredibly nasty bully to screw off. I'm sick to death of lazy freakin' administrators and pathetic excuses for parents. Some people should not be allowed to breed - hoping all parties involved get a big fat dose of karma.

Pinky said...

I have been careful not to post anyone's name or even the school name because I don't want anything to happen to anyone because of me, but I am really worn out wit the fact that no on cares not even the other parents, if my child is hurt because they are so concerned they might look bad. The principal is upset because I am being open she wants me to hide it all.

Kelly Sas said...

The love of a Good Mama being expressed! I am so glad I am well past this stage of life. It hurts like hell when you are experiencing your child being bullied. We lived this hell with one of our girls in HS. My heart aches for you and your sons. Just know that all your hard work of doing the right thing when raising your kids will pay. I love sitting back now enjoying the fruits of raising them right through the difficult times. My daughters are now AMAZING women who have successful careers, are wonderful mothers, and are making this world a better place by giving back to their communities or non-profit causes. You will get there too!

Jill Rugg said...

I am a teacher and at our school it is bullying. If the principal won't do anything go over her head. Tell the superintendent if he does not do anything tell the school board. Students have committed suicide over people "speaking their mind" and saying mean things. This is verbal abuse and it needs to end. Unfortunately, the squeaky wheels gets the oil, so I would hound the administration and board members until this situation was resolved.

Dot said...

I'm known as the 'mean mom' at school. When nothing was done years ago, I went in there and got things done myself!! Stand up for your son and keep doing it!! It takes time but I'd rather be the 'mean mom' and know that I will take care of things if not handled the way I see fit, along with other parents.

{VICKI} said...

No way could I remain silent.

Dawn's Craft Place said...

Sending you a hug and let you know I am keeping you and your son in my thoughts~ lots of positive vibes coming your way...
Please don't be silent, NO ONE has the right to tell you that-what a sad, sad situation.Sorry excuse of a principal in my opinion.
FIGHT for your son, and never feel you shouldn't

Ziggyeor said...

It's all been said, I'm glad now I didn't get a job there because I would have been ashamed to work there after knowing what they did.
Hugs to you and Justice.

Sherry -Aunt Elmo- said...

I haven't read all the comments - so maybe this has already been said. I know exactly how you are feeling. My oldest son has Aspergers and was tortured at school. He endured a lot of things he never should of - a lot of it physical. No one would do anything. I took him out of school. The bus would stop in front of my home and the driver would allow kids to yell out the window at my son - the neighborhood kids would torture my son and I had enough. I called the police. Did you know that you can press charges? It doesn't cost anything. I live in KY and when I pressed charges - I was told if they so much as looked at my son wrong I was to call them and they would deal with the kids. It REALLY worked. Please check into this. It not only sends a message to the bully but future ones as well. My son has not had any problems for the past 2 years. Please know you are doing your best and you are not alone!

Nanabells said...

I'm so sorry this is happening, but I agree with the comments that you can't stay quiet. If the principal was so convinced this is nothing, she wouldn't ask you to stay quiet. For some reason she doesn't want to deal with the problem. The parents sound like bullys themselves, so the kid gets it honestly! So sad. If nothing else, your son says to the kid "I'm so sorry your life is so lousy that you have to take it out on other people." I pray that things will resolve positively.

Lisa P said...

This was a tough year for my son at school as well. The best advice given to me is you are your child's best advocate. If you are told to remain silent then they lose the one voice they have that can show them someone cares. What you have described is just plain meanness and bullying. When it is a constant verbal attack there is nowhere to find reprieve. Stand up for your son for his sake. My son who is 12 did not have the skills or maturity it takes to overcome his situation. People may think at 12 he should be able to handle it but you know your child best. Forget what others say. You will never regret stepping in and advocating for your child when he is in over his head. i ended up pulling my son from school for the last 4 weeks and homeschooling. Not anything I ever wanted to do, but after hitting my head against brick wall after brick wall, and seeing that the situation was making my son make unhealthy and wrong choices as well it was the best thing I have ever done. We ar moving this summer. Next year will be a new school, fresh start. Don't hang in at this school just because you live right there. Make them take action or fight for a new school. Give your child a voice. I am praying for you and your son. Never be sorry for backing your kids.

Heather Landry said...

The fact that the principal adamantly doesn't want you to go public with anything about the situation is a HUGE red flag to me. That means she KNOWS something isn't right. It's within reason for her to ask you to not post the child's name on Facebook, but to ask you not to discuss the situation at all? Seriously wrong!!!!

I agree with everyone else that you should go to the school board as soon as possible. Most schools have anti-bullying policies in place. Not that they enforce them. But having the policy in place gives you a legal leg to stand on if they won't do it! Get a lawyer if the school board won't intervene. The squeaky wheel gets the grease!

(I speak from experience because I've gone through similar situations with BOTH of my girls. Kids can be awful!)