Autism- Searching For Answers....Rubbing And Self Harm

Good morning friends, 

We have struggled this week and every time I am struggling

I tell myself..."Cristal, when you were a little girl NO ONE cared

about you, nor did they care what happened to you. You are NOT

going to be those people. You DO care and you WILL go on no matter how hard".

So I do...I go on...

This week has been busy and that is why I have not posted daily as usual. 

After my first "Autism" post we have attended a conference, 

we have gone to the school board, found a liaison, studied, switched schools

and so much more!!
I could not have done it without my friends for sure!!
They have cared, stood by me and held me up while I was down. 

Now I am the first person to admit I do not want my life to be

revolved around Autism now that we have a diagnosis, 

but I am also the FIRST person to tell you that we have always

had the boys involved in causes because it is healthy to be aware. 

From children who have been raped and abused in Oregon to

pillowcases for Conkerr Cancer here in TN- to Special Needs baseball.

And clearly this is just another avenue in our life to raise 3 boys

who love and understand this world is FULL of beautiful souls. 

So yes, you might get tired of my "Autism" posts. And no I won't

stop posting them, because we embrace this as much as anything else that comes

into my life. 

When I first begin speaking about about being raped and abused

I found my voice and it has helped others. 

Being kept silent for all those year taught me to shout it out everywhere

I go. And this diagnosis will be the same.

After finding no help with the school we decided to move my son.

As difficult as change is for my son- it was more difficult staying where

he felt the need to rub himself until he bled. 

I did not understand fully why- he kept telling me just because

and we searched for an answer, but in the end it was simply

such overwhelming anxiety from the class he was in.

I am HAPPY to report that since changing school the rubbing, burning, and

self harm has stopped completely. As much as I was afraid of the change

for him- the comfort took over in his mind. 

So it was a fantastic step for us as a family! 

Those who are close to us know how much of a struggle that was.

I guess keeping my Autistic son feeling safe in his mind was the skeleton 

key that took us a couple months to find. 

I think that is the most difficult part of Autism-

finding the key to what is a problem. Without the language 

skills to communicate it's like a giant guessing game. 

That's the hardest part for me, because I am one of those moms- 

find the problem FIX IT...no messing around just fix it. 

Now I get to play "Find the problem"....which takes far longer than

the fix it most days. 

As I am NEW to this world and I freely admit to knowing NOTHING

I will say I an not new to life and it's struggles, so I say to any Autism mom

DON'T GIVE UP!

Fight fight fight and fight more....camp outside offices like I did. 

Cry, cry and cry more, do what you have to do because NO ONE ELSE WILL!

It was not easy getting to change schools, I fought, I literally camped outside offices

and went to every single liaison I could find. 

Now I am on the hunt to EDUCATE myself...yes educate while being

a mom, teacher, wife and taxi driver. Nothing will push me harder than

knowing that if I give up my son loses and frankly- that's just not going to happen. 

I go back to myself and say.....

"NO ONE fought for me. No one cared." 

I will not let that happen to my son, he will KNOW that someone cared. 

When he told me this week he knows I have his back I knew

everything was going to be alright. 

Autism- The Beginning Of Our Story

Hey there friends, 

You know on this blog I share my crafts, my life...the good the bad and the ugly. 

So today I wanted to share our Autism story as it lies so far.

I am not a writer- nothing eloquent here for sure, but I figured 

since I have shared my story of childhood abuse, rape, and journey

to self worth, my story of being abused in marriage- having my back

broken, my wheelchair life and beyond- sharing our newest life

journey of Autism is the obvious next step. 

This is my son Gage- he has Autism. 

He is the LOVE of my life (well one because I have 4 loves).

He is 9 years old right now and the sweetest kid with a heart of gold. 

When he was born at 10 pounds 1 oz I fell in love with this kid. 

He came out screaming and has ever since but he is the most amazing

kid I have ever met. He is so smart, and such a joy to be around. 

When he was 3 family told me something was wrong with him. 

I said "NO he is wonderful and everyone is different, we EMBRACE

being different he is wonderful". 

When he was 4 he would ask me to tell him how to spell words,

he would sit on the floor and FILL a page with words. 

One day it was food...I would list off Grapes, Bananas, Bread, Cheese...

whatever word he wanted, he would make a list of 100 words a day. 

I thought (still do) he was a genius!

He had terrible Asthma- we were in the hospital so often they knew us. 

Gage had a tender soul, he cried alot- he screamed alot because

he could not find or understand the right words. 

That's ok because everyone struggles in areas and he was amazing.

So I taught him different ways. We wrote, we sang, we played. 

He was a wonderful addition to our quirky family and life. 

Beautiful big eyes, heart so soft, and never a mean word. 

Finally it came time for him to go to school. It was  a sad

time for both of us- he was so special but I knew not everyone

would understand that and I was scared for him. I  knew

from day one I would have to fight the world for him. 

So I walked in with my mental sword and shield and the battle began that FIRST DAY.

When he was in kindergarten the teacher told me she didn't want

to deal with him- and I should keep him home because after all

who cares about kindergarten? Would it matter when he was in college? 

I said "NO, you are awful! Why don't you care?? My son is just as important

as anyone else in this school!" to which she replied "I have too many boys

in my class I cannot stand one more who is crying, it's too much work".

Of course that was not right so we found

another teacher for him after fighting with the principal of that school.

That teacher was amazing she was a sweet kind hearted teacher

who was clearly meant to teach forever. Ms Hollandsworth. 

Best teacher ever! Gage still talks about the impact she had on him. 

Oh to bottle that kind of love up and place it in all teachers hearts. 

As a family we learned that Gage needed structure and loved video games

and was a whiz at math and numbers. When he was 6/7 yrs old he could tell me

any day of any year- if I said "Gage what was November 6th 2007" he would know 

what day of the week it fell on. 

After a year that went away but I was so amazed by his mind. 

We moved from that school and into our own home. 

Modest/small and in the country- his first year we had a great teacher.

Never said anything about Gage being different, embraced him like her

own and was fantastic. The year went by with peace. 

Gage adjusted happily, then we hit second grade, once again great

teacher but she kept telling me "I think Gage has Autism, please have him tested"

No, no I didn't want to label him and put him in a box and keep 

him there trapped when in my mind he was just creative and 

different and if people didn't see that then fuck them!

What I didn't understand was -the simple black and white truth

people don't understand- they don't embrace difference. 

I have learned a hard lesson the last year- people hate difference, 

they make fun of that which they do not understand. People are

simply minded and cruel at times. Not only children but adults. 

So it wasn't Gage who sent me on this Autistic journey- it was the

cruelty and people around us who sent me on a mission to find out

which label I needed to protect Gage. 

Now this year we finally have a diagnosis and I don't think of it

as a label. So any of you mom's who are afraid to get your child diagnosed

don't see it as a label as I did. See it as a SHIELD to wrap and protect your child

with, something to use against those who are set out to squash creativity and difference. 

We are 2 weeks into having a physical diagnosis in hand. 

We are 2 years into fighting for the diagnosis and fighting adult bullies

that make fun of my child at the schools. 

Yes, I am new and I do't have the knowledge of the pros

BUT I will, I am educating myself, I am empowering myself

the same way I did when I was raped and abused. 

I will fight for my son like I fought for myself. Because

being amazing is not a crime but a GIFT- being Autistic is a GIFT

and I am so very blessed to have this gift in my life!!!!

For those who tell me I used my abuse to get attention and tell me I 

am using my son's Autism to get attention. That's fine- I am sad for you

because you are so lucky to have lead a wonderfully easy life. 

My life is different and amazing and I experience new things every day that

make me a better person full of knowledge and awareness. 

My mind is open and my heart is FILLED with incredible love- 

I hope you all find someone that has a special need in your life to love

it will change you forever!!!

Sometimes all you need in life is LOVE and UNDERSTANDING. 

~Scrapping The Everyday Moments~

Good morning to you all!

I have a layout to share today, yes a REAL live paper layout!

Big shock I have made 2 in the last week. 

I have been playing with my new camera and took some photos

of sweet Bella at her gymnastics I go watch every week. 

It really is one of the precious highlights of my week, 

so I decided to scrapbook it (of course).

I used the Scraptastic Club October Hall Pass Kit,

I really played around with the add-on and Mister Huey mist. 

This is a fun little kit to play with for sure. 

I love the colors and the style of it!

I love the little numbered paper clips too. It's all a fun time!

Ok I am off to sew today and get these kids ready for a party and

Halloween is fast approaching and I have nothing done!

Until next time my friends~